Page 417 of the Alcoholics Anonymous “Big Book” says, “Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.”
It seems like such a simple concept but acceptance is far more complex than we realize.
Think, for example, of when we make mistakes in life. It happens, right? It’s natural. But when we make those mistakes, not only do we have to accept that we have erred, but we also must accept that other people, our friends and loved ones and colleagues, are likely going to give us negative feedback. We must accept that feedback.
Easier said than done, of course. We’re already our own worst critics, aren’t we? Why do we have to take guff from other people on top of that?
Because they’re allowed to feel their own emotions and express them, too.
I had a hard time with this. I have done some truly awful things in my life, and in the process I have lost much. Not material possessions (although there have been more than a few that have gone by the wayside due to my neglect), but rather friendships, friendships lasting decades, friendships that created memories I’ll cherish for all my days, friendships that have been the greatest gifts of my life. After I returned to reality, so to speak … well, damn it, I wanted my friends back. But my friends didn’t want me back.
And why? Because they had, finally and justifiably, grown tired of my bullshit, and they let me go. I don’t blame them, nor do I have any ill will.
I have simply–and sadly–accepted that. My life changed forever in July 2024 because of a number of choices that I made, and while I regret all of those choices and I am truly sorry for all those I have ever harmed, I have now come to terms with the knowledge that I can never reverse those choices and in many cases, making direct amends would cause harm to people. (Though there are many to whom those amends must, and will, be made.)
And accepting that is freeing, because it allows me to look at all of the nasty, unpleasant, less than savory aspects of myself that I really don’t care for anymore, and it allows me to not indulge those aspects of my character anymore. I know what I have been, and I know what I can be. I’ve been in the gutter and, personally, I really don’t recommend it. I much prefer knowing what I can be, even knowing that it will be a daily journey to be myself and improve myself.
Accept the things we cannot change, change the things we can, and have the serenity to know the difference. That’s no biggie!
Actually, it is.
But I strongly suggest doing an acceptance exercise once a day. Just go through your head and think of all of the things that are stressing you out, bothering you, dragging you down. How many, if any, of those things can you affect, modify, alter or otherwise change? How many are immutable? And can you tell the difference?
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